As I mentioned before I went on a date with Gretchen last night. We went to Mahler’s Resurrection which was excellent (see other post). After that we went to her apartment and made crêpes. When I say we, I mean the two of us, all of her roommates and their dates. There were about fifteen all together. I’m afraid that’s a little too many people for me. I think 5 or maybe six people is about as large a group as I can handle without knowing all of them before hand. I felt a bit claustrophobic, even though there was plenty of room. One interesting thing was that Gretchen told me that she doesn’t really like dating. I hope that means she wasn’t too disappointed that I was, well, myself. She even apologized to me afterwards for not being a great date! Ah the irony.

The crêpes were excellent. Gretchen served her mission in France, so she know how things are really supposed to be done. She says that buckwheat crêpes are the best. They should be eaten with powdered sugar and lemon juice, or with Roquefort (or Bleu), Camembert, and some other kind of cheese that I have now forgotten. The sugar and lemon juice crêpe is an excellent choice. While I can’t speak for the three cheese crêpes, I can assure you that Bleu cheese crêpes are divine. A little rich to eat everyday perhaps, but certainly a back door to my heart, much like chocolates with chile. She promised to let me try the three cheese crêpes sometime, and I intend to hold her to it.

I wore my striped chain mail tie. I thought it would be fun. It had been a while since I had worn it. I forget just how much I dislike it when people comment on it. The irony is that I wear it to get attention, but then dislike the attention that I get. I wish I could just wear a sign that says:

Look at me. I am cool. I have a chain mail tie. I went to Prague for the ACM ICPC. I am a mathematics graduate student. Just don’t mention any of this because I hate it when people draw attention to me. It really drives me nuts. Don’t ask me why. In fact don’t ask me anything. Just be quiet and know that I am cool.

That way everyone would know just how cool I am, but no one would feel obligated to talk about it. I really hate talking about myself, unless I am very comfortable with the person. And even then I don’t often enjoy compliments. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not, so I don’t know if I should try to change it. I guess I won’t worry about it for now.

I seem to know several people that dislike dating: my brother, myself, Viper, and now Gretchen to name just a few. I wonder why that is, since most of them like to meet other people. I think all of us like to “hang out” with friends (whatever that means). I don’t think any of us are socially backwards, or not fun to be around. I think that perhaps the biggest problem is all the pressure that society, especially Mormon society, places on dating. I can only speak from a guy’s perspective, but would be very interested to hear how the ladies view it.

When I go on a date I feel like it is my responsibility to ensure that my date has a good time. I feel that I need to make her like me. If she doesn’t fall in love with me, it must be because I did something wrong on the date. After all, there is no other reason that she wouldn’t like me, right? I am supposed to make everything run smoothly, and if something doesn’t go according to plan then I am supposed to be embarrassed, the date is ruined, and I can never talk to her again. To top it all off I have to be creative. That means that I have to take her on a date that she has never been on before. And one that is exciting and fun. Certainly no dinner-and-a-movie, and it must also be something much more exciting than sitting and talking—just getting to know each other. A failure in any of these aspects means that my date won’t like me. In fact shouldn’t like me, and we should never date again. It’s more like a game than real social interaction. The final irony is that I am supposed to enjoy dating. Normal people, healthy people like dating, so if you don’t like dating you must not be normal or healthy. If everyone feels this way, then it’s no wonder so many people feel like failures, and dislike dating. I suppose these ideas are self-inflicted, rather than societal, but in the end does it matter where they come from?

Of course dating doesn’t have to be this way. I think we all know this deep down, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. Ideally (for me) dating would be a low-pressure situation to decide whether or not I like a girl enough to take her out again. Also no one would ever like me any more nor less than I like them. And as long as I am wishing, I would like world peace. Clearly the question becomes “How do I deal with dating in a way that will allow me to endure if not enjoy it?” The jury is still out on this one, and any suggestions are welcome. I really want to do my Priesthood duty.