The Daily Universe ran a front page article on the ACM programming contest. Only Viper showed up in the picture. He and Rachel tried to find me, but I was in the library, and they were unsuccessful. This brings me to the real point of this entry. Was I sad that they didn’t find me?

The story goes like this: I went to the library to work on Topology homework (which I have a lot of right now). I intentionally did not go to my usual spot. I did this in part so that no one could find me, and in part so that I would find a new place. Where I usually study is often full, so I don’t want to rely on it too much. I went to study there at 4:00, and ended up falling asleep within half an hour. I slept for about two hours, woke up and worked on Topology for a while, then I went home. Topology was really frustrating, so I wasn’t in the best of moods when I got home.

When I got home Rachel was over, and she and Viper told me that the article was going to be on the front page, and that they took a picture of Viper, and that I was supposed to be in it too. Rachel and Viper apparently looked in the library—Rachel even looked on the floor where I was, but they didn’t find me. I certainly can’t blame them (see above), but when Rachel told Paul, “We looked for him in the library.” Before I even thought, I made the very curt remark, “Not very hard.” Understandably, he seemed hurt. Really, it wouldn’t have been impossible to find me in the library, but they didn’t even know for sure that I was there. Surely I don’t hold them responsible, but was I hurt that I wasn’t in the picture?

I would have assumed not. I don’t like having my picture taken and showing up on the front page of The Daily Universe isn’t something that I need to validate my self-esteem. However, I can think of no other reason for which I would say something like that. One thing that does bother me is in the article it sounds like I don’t know anything about programming. Taken slightly out of context:

“My roommate doesn’t program at all,” Bailey said.

It’s not the first time that Viper has said something like that. It is true that I didn’t (and won’t) do any programming in the contest, and it is true that I am nowhere near as accomplished as Viper (or lots of other people for that matter), but I do fancy that I know how to program. I am confident that I could figure out just about anything if need be. I have programmed in octave/matlab, RPL, AppleScript, perl, maple, C++, Common Lisp, gap, scheme, &c. Not to say that I am really good at all of them, but you know… I guess what I am trying to say is that I do need Viper to validate my self-esteem. Otherwise I wouldn’t be so hurt by it. It’s shameful to think that my roommate has such power over me.

And here I am putting this on the web, where Viper can read it. Here’s hoping he doesn’t. At least if he does, I hope he doesn’t mention it, because it’s really not a big deal. I just need to overcome these bitter feelings. Like so many other things, it’s not his fault. But I tend to subconsciously blame it on him instead of finding the root of the problem and dealing with it.

I so wish that I didn’t depend on the opinions of others.