As you eat leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner, don’t forget to be thankful for the bounteous supply of sacrament programs that we enjoy in this country. When compared with turkey dinner, Sacrament Programs are both lower calorie and higher in fiber. On top of that, they are more filling—I’ve never seen anyone eat more than one.

The best part, however, is that scientists have finally isolated the class of chemicals in Sacrament Programs which causes drowsiness: Uchtdorfinates. These chemicals are thought to occur naturally only in Sacrament Programs and General Conference Sessions. They are currently conducting trials to see if sleep induced by Uchtdorfinates (and usually taking place in church) really is the best sleep. Today, I’m sending you a free sample of our new Uchtdorfinate-enriched Sacrament Program. Please enjoy responsibly.