Sacurvy is a disease that has killed millions over the years. Its cause has stymied theologians for decades. The symptoms are clear and easy to spot: listlessness, ennui, existential dread, fatigue, anhedonia, depression, anomie, nausea, anxiety, and dyed hair. Theologians have prescribed strict diets (including kosher, halal, and abstaining from alcohol and coffee), penance, self-flagellation, and paying 11% tithing, but all have been unable to stop the scourge of sacurvy ravaging our nation. The answer is simple enough: vitamin X. Only trace amounts of vitamin X are required to stop sacurvy, and the best known source of vitamin X are Sacrament Programs. As little as 10 seconds spent perusing the Sacrament Program can provide enough vitamin X to last a week. Moreover, it’s impossible to overdose on vitamin X, so make sure to read the Sacrament Program today!