This morning before church I decided that I was hungry and sad, so I went to get some Thai food. I like to walk. In fact, my friends always say “Ewoks everywhere!” So anyway, I was walking, thinking about all the Chewie food I was going to eat, when I decided to Luke around me. What did I C? 3 PO boxes just laying broken on the side of the road with a man next to them.

“Hey”, I yelled, “are Yoda man who destroyed those PO boxes?”

“I might BB”

“8 yet?” I asked. “I’m heading to get some Thai food. Watto you want? Padme Thai Andor mangos and sticky rice?”

“Oh, I Ben there already today, but if you get Annie dessert you can bring it to Shmi—I’ll eat it. O, wen you get there, be sure to wear a Bib. Fortuna favors the prepared! And if you get some coffee I wouldn’t mind a nice cold Beru.”

“Oh I don’t drink coffee, sorry.”

“How about some Qui-Gon [brand] Jinn?”

“I don’t drink alcohol either.”

“A pack of cigarettes? I could really use a Snoke right about now.”

“Nope, no tobacco either.”

“Ackbar! You gotta loosen up Mon. Calamari might be good, but sometimes you just need a Jar, Jar of chemicals that is, to help you out. Life can take you to a really Darth place. How can I con Va-de-r ange of problems that life can throw at you?”

“You might be right, I am pretty sad right now. I feel like I’ve Thrawn my whole life away. You seem wise. If you have some advice, Leia it on me.”

So we talked for a long time and he gave me lots of good advice like:

Always do the best Jabba you can.

Sometimes you gotta take Biggs risks, but people won’t always be able to Bail you out.

When in the Lando the Romans, do as they do. To do otherwise would be a Grievous mistake.

Don’t let anything drive a Wedge between you and your wife and Kits. That would be muy Maul as they say in Spanish.

If you eat too many Salacious Crumbs, it could make you Fett.

O, bi Wan with the universe.

If your personality is 2D, it’s likely that your friends R 2D 2.

You don’t need a super soaker just because your friends have one. Just Ahsoka is usually good enough.

Try Nute things every now and then.

We spent a long time just Tarkin about my problems, and I gotta Han it to him, he was a real Rey of sunshine. I started the day feeling Lo, bot he made me feel a lot better. The change in my mood was Palp(atine)-able. I never did get that Thai food—I didn’t need it anymore!

So, Windu you want to go talk to him? You don’t want to? What ya Figrin D’an? That you can solve all your problems on your own? I hope it works out for you. I Ben Solo before and I can tell you that having friends is way better. Okay Jed, i gotta go now.

Finn.