As kids get ready to return to school, and their parents stress about back-to-school shopping, I would just like to remind everyone of alternate uses of Sacrament Programs so as save a little money this fall:

Fold it into a pencil case.

Fold and staple (no tape) several of them into a back pack.

Fold and tape (no staples) into clothing, particularly undergarments so as to not distract other children during class as they try to read all the speakers from Sacrament 3 weeks ago. Sacrament Program outer garments have been banned in three states (though not Utah).

Fold and glue (tape and staples are insufficient) into a thermos for bringing hot soup for lunch. The extreme insulating properties of Fast and Testimony meeting programs mean that your child will never eat cold soup again (unless they like gazpacho).

Carefully scrape all the ink off of several sacrament meetings and mix it with water to refill your child’s favorite fountain pen.

Cut into strips for making hexaflexagons to play with when math class gets too boring (you really should let your kid skip a grade in math).

Fold into a corsage for the 3rd grade prom. By high school the kids complain too much that it’s not just like their friends’ corsages.

It is not recommended to use sacrament programs to create protective sports equipment. Although it is strong enough, it’s more slippery than normal protective gear and so can slip out of place leaving your child vulnerable.

And remember to keep a few extra Sacrament Programs on you at all times in case you or your kids get hungry while shopping.