Public Service Announcement:

Please take special care during the following week. The time change this year has caused a much higher than normal build up of energy in the earth. Numerologically 20260308 factors into 2⋅2⋅3⋅19⋅88861 which, with its triple repeated digit in the largest factor, is rather inauspicious. Because of this dire prediction, numerologists and earthquake-aticians have been trying to slowly bleed off energy before the time change this morning put extra strain on the system, which is why we’ve experienced so many earthquakes in recent weeks. However, the energy buildup was even higher than predicted, so don’t be surprised if we experience more earthquakes in the next week or so, as earthquake-aticians ply their trade: trying to release the energy in small, unharmful quakes. If they mess up, however, we could be in for a real whopper of a quake (known amongst experts as a WoaQ). This fall, 20261101 factors into 7⋅2894443 which also has a triple repeated digit, so we are definitely in for a rough ride this year. Until further notice, sleep with a Sacrament Program under your pillow. This will prevent you from dying in the event of your roof falling on top of you1.

  1. This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. ↩︎