Pub on Beaucoup Boku

Cry Baby Cry

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I have a problem: My eyes are incontinent.

I am not embarrassed about crying simply because I am male–I am ashamed of the things that I cry about. Often I am fine, crying only when appropriate–but there are days, or longer periods of time, in which I cry at inappropriate things. Stories that are neither sad nor happy and not because I feel the spirit. Stupid movies that I don’t care about. Someone criticizing me for the smallest thing–especially if they are right. Luckily, I usually don’t cry openly unless I am in a place where I feel some measure of comfort: at home, at church, in the dark, etc., so I am not overly embarrassed on a regular basis.

Ring

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

Well, it’s finally official. I gave her the ring last night, and it fit, and was the right width, and everything!

I guess the time has come to spill the beans. For those of you who didn’t know, I am now engaged to Rachel Leigh Weatherford from Plano Texas (near Dallas).

Conference at a Church School

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I hate conference weekend at BYU.

I spent all day Saturday–from 10:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. watching conference or in transit to and from same. What this means is that 2 weeks before finals, I have a weekend where I can’t do any homework, or research for my thesis. I can’t do any grading and very little relaxing. Just when I need it the most, they take it away from me.

Google

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 00:00:00 +0000

The day that I had been anticipating for so long finally came. I got in contact with Google about the job–they called me yesterday. The fact that they wanted to talk rather than just tell me over email gave me some hope–albeit misplaced. I never expected to get the job (though I would have liked it), but everything dragged out so long that I began to really think it was possible. Now I will have to live with the shattered pieces of a borrowed dream. Or rather a dream that was given to me and that I accepted.

Online Quiz

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t normally go in for this sort of thing, but I liked this one, especially the picture. (Best viewed in the ’orange’ color scheme.)

What Season Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Winter. You are WINTER. You’re more introspective, thinking deeply, feeling deeply. You love nothing better than to enjoy one on one time with those who are important to you. You are cautious, and sometimes second guess yourself. Dreams, though you have them, are a luxury, because life is not a plaything.

Asher

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I recently finished My Name is Asher Lev, which is not the sort of book that I normally enjoy. It tells the story of a young Jewish man who feels compelled to be a painter against the wishes of his father, family, community, and self.

Perhaps the reason that I liked it as much as I did (possibly the only reason that we like any story) is that I identified with Asher. Asher does not seem to express himself easily, or rather he chooses not to express himself because he knows that others cannot understand. When someone in the book talks there is no indication of the emotion expressed. No retorted’s, no whispered’s, often not even a said to indicate the tone of voice. This proved a very effective device since it allows the reader to fill in the emotions according to their own experience and perception of reality.

Openness

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 00:00:00 +0000

One of last year’s resolutions was to be more open about my feelings. Part of that effort was the creation and usage of this weblog. As the new year approaches I must evaluate whether I have been successful in achieving my goal and whether writing these essays has helped.

First, I do feel I have become more open with my thoughts and feelings in general this year. My parents may disagree, but they aren’t the only people with whom I have to be open, nor the easiest.

A Novel Novel

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I have been a long time (several months at least) reader of Mariann Dashwood’s blog. Recently she has started writing a novel about life on the Bozeman Institute scene. Suffice it to say that I miss living there more than ever. She is able to portray something that is perhaps unique to Bozeman Institute, or at least to Mormondom. It helps that I know her, lived in Bozeman, and am Mormon, but I think I would enjoy it anyway. I’m very proud of my little Morgan—I knew she was a good artist, I didn’t know she was also an engaging writer.

Repentance & Forgiveness

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I gave a version of this talk several Sundays ago. I don’t know why I didn’t post it before now. I started, but never got it finished, sorry.

Rarely do I write out my talks in their entirety, so I give you just the outline. While it may lack some readability (or even coherence), it is short.

Funny

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 00:00:00 +0000

“You think you’re funnier than I do,” Gretchen told me one day, without realizing the implications of her words. At first I thought she was just being rude, or funny, or both. But those words have haunted me since. At the time I didn’t realize that she spoke the truth. Frankly, I didn’t want to consider it.

Essays

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Paul Graham’s recent essay on essays inspired me. It reminded me of a subject for another post. My thesis statement for this post is “One can’t know if something is true until one reads it.”

This idea came to me long ago as I was writing an essay (I like to think that my blog entries are worthy of being called essays). Before I write a blog entry, I think about it for a time. As I write, more ideas come, and I have to accommodate them. This is why many of my essays end up being longer than I had anticipated (sometimes dramatically so). Occasionally I worry that they will bore those who try to read them. After all, I have a hard time reading things on the web. On the other hand, I think I write these essays for the same reason that I take notes in church. Not for anyone (including me) to read, but because it helps me to focus my thoughts. It helps me to separate the wheat from the chaff as it were.

Graduate Student Advisory Council

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 00:00:00 +0000

A recent email from our illustrious secretary Lonette:

Hi all: The following students were elected to serve this year on our graduate student council. We decided to have four this year!
1
2
3
4
Ivan Andrus
Amanda Ellis
Lauritz Petersen
Gretchen Rimmasch
If you have any complaints, suggestions, or if you want to take up a collection to buy Lonette something really nice to eat, these four are the ones to contact! All for now. Lonette

Sinikka's First Talk

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Sinikka gave her first talk last Sunday. If only I had been there to see it. You can find out more information from her report on it.

Life

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 00:00:00 +0000

While volunteering at the MTC today, I was reminded of just how much people have to learn before they accept the gospel. Six pláticas really is nowhere near enough. Then again, 25 years of being an active member hasn’t taught me everything that I need to know.

I also saw Chantelle LaCouture, one of my students from GE 105. She teaches English as a second language. They changed the schedule a bit, and now in addition to Spanish they have ESL on Saturday nights. Today was the first time, and I had a few ESL groups. It was quite weird to open the door, see Hispanics, say “Buenas Tardes,” and have them reply “Hello.” Pretty fun though. I met an elder from Zacapa.

Fixed

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I finally figured out why my website would work for me, but not other people. I had set my computer to go to sleep after 15 minutes. Once it is asleep, it can’t serve webpages. Of course whenever I wanted to access something I was at school, and therefore my computer was on. I have now fixed the problem so that it won’t go to sleep, and everything should work. If you experience any problems then you probably can’t read this, but go ahead and contact me.

México

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 00:00:00 +0000

I’ve never seen myself as a beach-nut. I still don’t imagine that I am, but I have come to understand why some people are. I spent nearly two days on thebeach in Ensenada, México. I’m starting to peel which is almost worth getting the sunburn, but not quite. Need I say more? Perhaps not, but I will.

Raina

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Rachel and I went to pick up Raina on Wednesday. It was good to see her again. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I miss people until I see them again. We went with Rachel’s Aunt Janet to pick her up and afterwards went to Su Casa Mexican Restaurant. Then we returned to Janet’s house where she gave us plums, and canned goods. She is a very nice lady. The plums are delicious.

Weekend at Home

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 00:00:00 +0000

This weekend was a very good one. As is sometimes the case, I didn’t realize this at the time. I was only able to determine it from the feeling of dread that I felt at returning to school, and “real” life. For over a day I couldn’t think about my roommates or the people in my ward etc. without cringing. Not that I dislike them per se, just that I didn’t want to deal with them. I’m not entirely sure why this weekend was so good, but I can think of a few possible reasons.

Children of Heaven

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 00:00:00 +0000

It has been entirely too long since I have written anything. I will now attempt to remedy that.

After Comedy Sportz last night, I ran into Leah and Steve. They invited me to watch Children of Heaven with them at a friend’s house. It’s Iranian, so I couldn’t resist—even though I really wanted to get some grading done for my class today. I don’t regret it, though my students might.

Maturity

Sat, 19 Jun 2004 00:00:00 +0000

Throughout my life people have mistakenly thought I was mature, when I am nothing more than sober. These two attributes are unrelated, but seem to be confused quite often. I took an inkblot test online and the results said that I am dominated by reserve. Kara seemed not to believe that could be the case. My plan has been too successful. I have hid myself even from my friends. Or more likely, especially from them. She, like many people, thinks I am one thing when I am another. I don’t do this intentionally most of the time, and neither do they. Let me explain.