Sacramentprogram on Beaucoup Boku

Sacrament Program 2026-03-29

Sun, 29 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Today’s scripture is John 12:12–13:

On the next day much people that were come to the feast, when they heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem,
Took branches of palm trees, and went forth to meet him, and cried, Hosanna: Blessed is the King of Israel that cometh in the name of the Lord.

Sacrament Program 2026-03-22

Sun, 22 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

With spring in the air, the following have been popping up on the young single adult church bulletin board:

Looking for love? My advice for everyone this spring is to not take a shower for several days, then go down to Utah Lake. Walk around in the shallows, splashing a bit just for fun. It’s a great way to meet smiling people of all different types.

Sacrament Program 2026-03-15

Sun, 15 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

The oldest board game for which we have evidence is from about 5000 years ago, but the oldest board game for which we have an original, in-tact rule book is from 2nd century Antioch. It was known as Sacramentia and was a game in which players competed to get attendees to their activities.

Sacrament Program 2026-03-08

Sun, 08 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Public Service Announcement:

Please take special care during the following week. The time change this year has caused a much higher than normal build up of energy in the earth. Numerologically 20260308 factors into 2⋅2⋅3⋅19⋅88861 which, with its triple repeated digit in the largest factor, is rather inauspicious. Because of this dire prediction, numerologists and earthquake-aticians have been trying to slowly bleed off energy before the time change this morning put extra strain on the system, which is why we’ve experienced so many earthquakes in recent weeks. However, the energy buildup was even higher than predicted, so don’t be surprised if we experience more earthquakes in the next week or so, as earthquake-aticians ply their trade: trying to release the energy in small, unharmful quakes. If they mess up, however, we could be in for a real whopper of a quake (known amongst experts as a WoaQ). This fall, 20261101 factors into 7⋅2894443 which also has a triple repeated digit, so we are definitely in for a rough ride this year. Until further notice, sleep with a Sacrament Program under your pillow. This will prevent you from dying in the event of your roof falling on top of you¹.

Sacrament Program 2026-03-01

Sun, 01 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

The state of Vermont holds a special place in church history, not just because Joseph Smith Jr. was born in Sharon, Vermont, but because the first Sacrament Program factory was built in Burlington, Vermont in early 1870. Alfred Rosewater Peabody Sherman III built the factory there expecting to make a large profit buying cheap paper from the East coast, printing Sacrament Programs, and shipping them to Utah via the recently finished Transcontinental Railroad. Unfortunately for ARPS (as his friends called him), he had trouble securing space on the railroad given the high demand for transcontinental shipping.

Sacrament Program 2026-02-22

Sun, 22 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Have you ever left your Sacrament Program in your pocket with loose change, and noticed some time later that it had turned pink, or even red? This is a process known as pecuniary roseation and is thought to be a natural defense on the part of the Sacrament Program to avoid mixing the things of Caesar with the things of God. Scientists still don’t understand the mechanisms behind this phenomenon, but it has been noted in stories all around the world. One of the earliest of such stories took place far from the Holy Land.

Sacrament Program 2026-02-15

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Everyone has heard of the Feast of St. Valentine, but fewer people know the interesting history. It started when a misunderstanding was printed on a Sacrament Program. In the year 496 the ward clerk was preparing the Sacrament Program for a special meeting in which St. Valentine was visiting the local congregation. Instead of “Come Feast upon the words of Christ with St. Valentine” he wrote “Come to the Feast of St. Valentine with the words of Christ”. As with most potlucks in which main and side dishes are not assigned, it ended up all being desserts with pink frosting and candy hearts with little messages. Luckily, St. Valentine (despite his name meaning “healthy”) was a portly man—very fond of honey and other sweets—and so he ate energetically and with effusive praise. That caused several of the women in the congregation to be shot with cupid’s arrow, so to speak, when he praised their cooking. And that started the holiday as we know it.

Sacrament Program 2026-02-08

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In the summer of 1899, Sacrament Program Distributors (Saccies as they were called) went on strike demanding fair working conditions, a pay increase, and basic human dignity. They were led by the charismatic duo of Kid Water and Little Boy Bread. Though the strike was long and bloody, it ultimately led to Lorenzo Snow granting the strikers’ demands, despite the financial hardship that the church was experiencing at the time. These events ultimately gave rise to his famous “Windows of Heaven” speech.

Sacrament Program 2026-02-01

Sun, 01 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

There comes a time in which every Sacrament Program must leave the comfort and safety of the printer where it was born and venture out into the cold, unforgiving world of the ward members’ hands. There they might be written on and mistreated, or they might be perused with love and appreciation. It’s impossible to know beforehand what vicissitudes await those Sacrament Programs who are brave enough to take the world head-on, but the Sacrament Program which attempts to stay forever in the warm embrace of its mother printer often ends up as a paper jam.

Sacrament Program 2026-01-11

Sun, 11 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Fun Sacrament Program Facts:

#212: Women are 47% more likely to look at a Sacrament Program during Sacrament Meeting, but in the coveted 46–47 demographic, the trend reverses and men use Sacrament Programs 28% more. That’s why the niche genre Sacrament Promance will likely remain a niche genre despite polling well amongst heavy Sacrament Program users.

Sacrament Program 2026-01-04

Sun, 04 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Around the time of 100 BC an important change took place in ancient Judaism. The style of Sacrament Program changed from 100% natural fibers that were readily available (papyrus, cedars of Lebanon, gopherwood, etc.) to more expensive woods (frankincense and myrrh trees) as well as metals (gold) and synthetic fibers (nylon, rayon, cotton-poly blend). That’s the main reason for the difference in name of the parts of the bible: “Old Testament” referred to the more traditional Covenant (aka Testament) while “New Testament” refers to the newer Covenant. The Sacrament Program was the most common covenant for the peoples of that age and so the change in materials led to the change in name (and lots of strife amongst different factions if we are being honest). As we study the Old Testament this year, make sure to reflect on what the Sacrament Programs would have felt like during that time.

Sacrament Program 2025-12-21

Sun, 21 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

As we approach Christmas this year, let us remember some of the symbols of the season. This year, let’s focus on the Tannenbaum, aka the Christmas Tree. The Christmas Tree originated in Judea, a mere 32 years after the death of Christ. At the time it was made of recycled Sacrament Programs and was used only as a place to hold “Sub For Santa” signups. It was another 147 years before people started to put ornaments on the tree. And it took all the way until 982 a.d. in modern day Norway, before an evergreen tree (there is still scholarly debate over the species) was used to replace the Sacrament Program tree due to a dearth Sacrament Programs in the recently evangelized area. The fresh smell of the tree quickly won over adherents because used Sacrament Programs could be a bit musty, or as the locals said, “stunk of civilization”¹. The rest, as they say, is history.

Sacrament Program 2025-12-14

Sun, 14 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

I hope you’re all looking forward to our festive, limited edition Sacrament Programs, made from sweet smelling evergreen needles. If you hold your phone close to your nose (but not too close—the aroma can be rather strong), close your eyes, and inhale slowly you should be able to smell the electrons which have been sustainably harvested from genuine Utah pine trees. The paper programs were made from fir trees from the Pacific Northwest, and will smelly slightly different. The Zoom meeting still uses Eucalyptus electrons, sorry. Please let church headquarters know which scent you prefer so that next year we can source both of them from the same place.

Sacrament Program 2025-11-30

Sun, 30 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Saintly Sunday Sale — Up to 90% off selected Sacrament Programs!

Take advantage of our biggest sale of the year! If you’ve been waiting to stock up on sacrament programs, vintage or modern, now is the time! Don’t hesitate, the sale is one day only! Take a look at these deals:

Sacrament Program 2025-11-23

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

It’s autumn, and therefore time for a delicious Sacrament Program Cider. First gather 1 pound of dried Sacrament Programs. Cut off any damaged or diseased parts. Soak them in water overnight and then crumple them into loose balls. Place them in a cider press and squeeze as tightly as possible. Let them sit at full squeeze until liquid quits flowing. Collect the resulting cider which should be a deep, rich, red color. The cider will keep in the refrigerator for up to 20 minutes, or can last multiple hours if frozen. Unused cider should be taken to your bishopric for proper disposal.

Sacrament Program 2025-11-16

Sun, 16 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Sacrament Programs were some of the very first things printed with lithography, a process using a specially prepared stone (rather than metal type) to print a book or pamphlet. The quality is better than metal type and can also be more efficient. It’s rumored that the Sacrament Programs for the Salt Lake 777-th ward (the ward the apostles attend) are, to this day, printed using pieces of the original tablets Moses received on the mountain. The ones that Moses destroyed, not the lesser 10 commandments we have in our bibles. This process of printing Sacrament Programs is a sacred ordinance known as the baptism by earth. Many presume that the baptism by air is what Joseph Smith alluded to with “he will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God,” given that the baptisms of water and fire (and later earth) had already been revealed.

Sacrament Program 2025-11-09

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Though fried dough dates back to at least the Roman empire, the doughnut we know today (with a hole in the center) was invented by Hanson Gregory in 1847. He was making doughnuts for a break-the-fast celebration when he noticed some oil splatter on the Sacrament Program that he had on the table. It had spattered in the shape of an “O” surrounding and drawing attention to the sacrament hymn. That made him think of putting a hole in the middle of the doughnut to prevent a doughy center. His doughnuts quickly became popular at break-the-fast celebrations, due in part to being inspired by Sacrament Programs. It took a little while to break into the secular market, but the truth and power of Sacrament Programs will always win in the end.

Sacrament Program 2025-11-02

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Sacrament Slang Origins #87:

The slang phrase 6–7 comes from an infamous incident of an altercation between Hezekiah Archibald Shumaker Jones III and Joseph Smith Jr. in Nauvoo. Joseph had a Sacrament Program printed up with an announcement for Hezekiah’s upcoming marriage on June 7, 1844. However, he printed the date incorrectly as 7/6/1844. When Hezekiah saw Joseph in the street he pointed out the mistake and said he was starting to wonder whether Joseph was really a prophet. Joseph, known to be a bit stubborn, refused to apologize to Hezekiah’s satisfaction. Hezekiah started yelling “6/7! 6/7!” in reference to the correct date and Joseph would reply “6 7” and do a little weighing motion with his hands as if to say there wasn’t that much difference. This motion and lack of concern so inflamed Hezekiah that he formed a group of men who walked around yelling “6/7!” while Joseph’s supporters retaliated by saying “6 7” in a certain singsong way with the accompanying motions.

Sacrament Program 2025-10-12

Sun, 12 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Recent research has confirmed the old adage “A CV on SP will make you VP”. A résumé (known as Curriculum Vita in Europe) that is printed on an old Sacrament Program leads to 45% more interviews and 62% more job offers. This is even more pronounced, rising to 58% and 67% respectively, when applying for jobs in upper management. It also leads to a 7.4% higher initial salary or wage. So make sure you save your old Sacrament Programs for when you get laid off. Research is ongoing about the effects of using Sacrament Programs for your weekly status report to your boss.

Sacrament Program 2025-09-28

Sun, 28 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000

The concept of a spirit animal in popular culture can be traced to the spirits of animals that accompany Sacrament Programs. While a person carried a Sacrament Program in a place of danger, a spirit animal would sometimes manifest and protect the bearer. This was a common occurrence around the turn of the century (the turn from 1800s to 1900s that is). Due to modern mass manufacturing techniques and long distance shipping after the War to End All Wars, today’s Sacrament Programs often have spirit animals that are out of sync with their location of use. For example, no one would expect a giraffe in Utah or a Moose in Zimbabwe. Correspondingly, these spirit animals do not manifest as strongly any more and often go completely unnoticed.